Court days suck. Its that simple. Even when you think they will go in your favor, they still suck…….too many things can go wrong. There are so many players in the game, and so many details to come together that any little thing can throw a well laid plan into chaos. The pressure can be maddening.
Coconut’s foster care case is right at the end……meaning that his biological parents are about to have their parental rights terminated. The problem is, it has been at this end point since the beginning of October. NINE MONTHS……nine months of praying and waiting and praying and crying and praying and wishing and praying and hoping. Nine months to come up with eight thousand different reasons that will take him from us forever. Nine months to have our faith continually tested. Yet…….in nine months our faith has never waivered.
One thing after another has continued his case, yet the case has not actually taken one single step forward in nine long months. To us it was silly and dumb things that kept the judge from hearing the reasons that rights should be terminated. A lawyer didn’t show up, the bio father wasn’t present, the bio mother wasn’t present……Dave and I wanted to shout, “Who cares if they aren’t here, we are and we are ready to adopt!”. Yeah, things don’t work that way. The judge doesn’t care a lick about us yet. We get it, the judge is crossing his T’s and dotting his I’s so that nothing can come back to overturn his ruling when the time comes to finally terminate their rights. For that we really are thankful……but, the waiting is a killer.
Court days are grueling. The weeks prior to a ‘big decision’ court date I have long talks with God. Some days I am very mature. I promise that I will be good and graceful if Coconut has to leave. I assure myself that I will praise God no matter what the ruling. Those are the good days. Those are the days when I can tell others that being a Servant of Christ is rewarding and is the only way to live life. I encourage others to become foster families, and if that is not possible, to find a ministry of some sort…….anything that will get you out of the pews and into the pits. Something that will stretch your faith, because stretching leads to growth. Yes, those are the good days.
Then there’s the bad days. Some people ask me what it really feels like to be a foster parent. They want to know how I could say goodbye to Goldilocks, how I can get attached to these kids and then let them go. I always answer, “With God’s help”, and that is totally true. Yet, I am still a flesh and blood human being, a woman, a person with real emotions and strong nurturing instincts, someone who feels way more than is good for her. On the bad days you will find me on my knees, or when it’s a really bad day, you will have to scrape me up off the floor……usually in the bathroom. Those day I am pleading with God, I am convinced that I will break and I am begging Him to carry me through………and He always does. I try not to have too many of those days.
Coconut’s court day rapidly approaches…….it’s in two weeks. I love that little boy. Words are not enough to describe it. God saved Coconut’s life the night his parents almost killed him, and then He laid that little heart in my hands. I have not let it go since. We were certain that the last court date in March would end his roller coaster ride with foster care, then his case would be transferred to the adoption unit. Yet, there was one more glitch…….and for a day it was more than I could bear. For a day I could not see through the darkness. Words are not enough to describe what emotions I had as a foster mother on that day. The only way to truly know what a foster parent goes through on court days……..is a picture that’s worth a thousand words:
This is true and gritty picture of what it’s like to place your entire world in God’s Hands…….not knowing what the outcome will be, but knowing that He will gently Love you through it. I took this picture so that I could always remember that day of sadness and fear. It makes me appreciate Coconut all the more. It makes me appreciate foster parents more also. It helps me realize that I can go to another court date and still weather the storm.
So, please be in prayer for us……….we could use them.