He is here, with all of his almost eight pounds, and with all of his deliciously baby-scented glory! I was feeling very sad the day before he arrived, feeling ever so guilty as I prepared his clothes and supplies, as if I was robbing his mother of the bliss that comes from taking care of a newborn. When his social worker called to tell me that they were on their way to our house from the hospital, she told me something that changed my way of thinking completely.
Little Cocoa Bean (the nickname I gave him for this blog), was born with drugs in his system, as his mother used them right before she entered the hospital. All thoughts of guilt and sorrow for her misfortune has vanished, and now I am simply grateful……that she did not abort this angel, and that God has blessed me with the opportunity to get to know Coconut’s brother, no matter how long or short that might be.
Dave and I had really held hope that this child might be the catalyst that pushed Coconot’s mother into getting her life together. Although she never seemed elated about the pregnancy, how much can you really gather about a person and their feelings under the limited circumstances that have allowed us to converse…..court hearings and family care meetings that involve deciding where her four-year-old son should live. The only time her unborn child was mentioned, consisted of the agency’s futile advice on what she might do in order to have the privilege of keeping him. It never entered my mind that she would do something so foolish as doing drugs while she carried him.
The thought of taking in this baby was always rejected by us. We didn’t want any parts of it, for fear of jeopardizing Coconut’s case. The father of this child is aggressive and seemed intent on keeping the baby out of care, so it didn’t seem as if we would even have to worry about it. We learned a valuable lesson about making your words sweet, because the moment that he was born, the agency called us…….and we caved. How could we not, now that Coconut’s half-brother was here?
There were many things that crossed my mind when I agreed to become his foster mother, but falling in love with him instantly was not one of them. However, the moment that I clapped eyes on him as he emerged from the social workers car, that’s exactly what I did……He looks so much like Coconut! After the first full day of caring for him, holding and soothing him as his body trembled and shook while he detoxed, I swear I could not love a child more if he was my own. I was not prepared for that.
Our new journey has begun, and only my Lord in Heaven knows the outcome. All we can do is remain diligent in the care of these little lost boys……