
Sherry writes my most favorite blog about large Christian families who follow Christ even though it is a hard road. You can read her blog at http://www.largefamilymothering.com
It is not enough to take an adolescent out of a school environment where they are allowed to say whatever they want, think whatever they want, and do whatever they want. Sure, they will likely get detention or suspended for doing big things like mouthing off to a teacher, refusing to do their work or blowing up a locker. However, what about all the things that they don’t get caught doing? Like obsessing about dating boys or girls, swearing, talking about or having sex (or even kissing), talking about or doing drugs or drinking, etc. They learn quickly that even though they can be accountable for their actions, doesn’t mean that they will be held accountable. Don’t want to do a homework assignment……well, what’s the worst that could happen? Mom said not to get on the internet on the home computer………well, she didn’t say not to look for another way to get on the internet, like my PS3 or an IPod. Our kids begin to play a very dangerous game, with themselves and with us.

Some say that you reap what you sow. I agree, and advise parents to sow seeds of kindness, like the seeds that Casey is so joyfully spreading in our garden
Slowly, these children whom my husband and I had cared for and nurtured and had given the Word of God to, started to turn away from us. More importantly, as they transitioned into pre-teens and teenagers, they began to turn away from God. We watched in horror as my son and daughter seemed to lose their inner moral compass, and ultimately lose their way. Perhaps there are parents out there that hold the key to keeping their children grounded in their faith and away from worldliness, all while sending them out everyday into our society’s school system……but Dave and I didn’t have that key and nor do we possess it now. We did try, albeit not hard enough, but we gave it everything that we could at the time (or so we thought). Although many of the kids in our children’s classes were just as lost as ours, there were a few who seemed to be doing well despite the odds. Why couldn’t ours? What were we doing wrong?

If parents are not diligent in tending their children’s spiritual gardens, all they will be left with is stinky manure. Like the manure I am posing with in my vegetable garden…..ew.

Casey making her ‘Mad Face’. Be careful not to let anger hurt the relationships that you have with your children.
Cue the many tears and the many heartfelt talks that my family had after Casey’s outburst. It came out that my husband felt that he could never live up to Jim Bob Duggar’s example……even though he thought that it was a great example……but, he felt beat down and discouraged whenever he measured himself against this man. My son felt like an outcast for having the desire to date and have girlfriends. In trying to cram us into a “Good Christian Homeschool Family”, I had neglected to see that I already had a good Christian homeschool family, that was filled with exceptional people. Here is a real and true picture of my kids:

D.J. says, “Ta-Da! I’m the perfect kid now……I’m homeschooled!” My sweet son, no one is perfect except for Jesus……and He loves you no matter what, just like your Dad and I do”
2. They have enough obedience to us (as their parents), and to God (as their Savior) to diligently try to reclaim themselves from the world. They do not always win the battle against the Devil and themselves, but they walk up to the plate and swing that bat again and again. We have recently gone on a 30-Day Challenge to refrain from all television, movies and music that does not directly glorify God……..and they didn’t run away or stage a riot! PROGRESS!

“Look Ma! I’m in school……get it? I’m a fish? I’m in a school of fish? Aw, forget it!” It’s ok to be silly and playful…..you are only a child for a short while. There is plenty of time to be serious when your homeschooling your own children! 🙂
Sorry, I sort of ranted there for a minute, back to the point…….the kids have finally gotten the swing of things and they are finishing their school work and progressing each year to the next level as appropriate. We are still working on the schedule that I have implemented into our day after reading, “Managers of Their Homes” by Teri Maxwell. I still feel like a drill sergeant blowing his whistle every time I announce, “It’s time to change classes!”, but it comes with the territory. You can learn about this book here: http://www.titus2.com/managers-of-their-homes.html
4. They are sweet and kind and loving and generous. They always have been. Often times, I would come home utterly exhausted from a very hard day of painting, and they had surprised me with a clean house and dinner on the table…….and they were only 11 and 12 at the time. Other times, they would surprise us with funny or thoughtful situations to make a hard day better. Once they dressed up as Santa Claus and Rudolf, met us at the door when we arrived home from work and led us into a winter wonderland that they had created, complete with tons of paper snowflakes and decorations. Another time, they staged a French restaurant in our house, with a hostess station, menus, a candlelit dinner table, and a delicious homecooked meal made by Chef Casey (our oldest daughter)……..it was beautiful! They do the same sort of things for their grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins. All who know them, know them to be such giving kids…….makes a Mamma proud! 5. They are working on their attitudes. Let me just warn all of those parents out there who have kids that have been exposed to worldly things…….even if you are doing your best to undo all of that worldly damage……THE AGE OF 15 IS HORRIBLE!! At least it was for my family. Perhaps if terrible attitudes in your children do not develop at the age of 15, then watch out for the age of 16, or the age of 17 or well, you get the picture. In all seriousness, I think that a huge surge of hormones erupt in teens around this age, and if you have not taught them how to be quiet and calm from a young age (like Michelle Duggar and her kids….God bless them), then you are going to be hard pressed to get them to react quietly and calmly to the new-found emotions that emerge around adolescence. My son went through it first (and I thought I would go insane) and then a year later, my daughter is currently holding the honor (and I am definitely teetering on insanity…..as girls are much more vocal than boys!). Again, they are working on these attitudes, and I am working on not yelling at them when they give me said attitudes 🙂
Keeping Our Children’s Hearts, by Steve and Teri Maxwell is a must-read. Their website is http://www.titus2.com
6. They are striving to be more diligent in their chores. At present, I will not lie, they are driving me crazy with this. How many more chore reminders, rewards and schedules can one mother come up with? Any tips, tricks, or prayers would be most welcomed! I even clipped “Chore Packs” onto these almost-grown-teenagers in my desperate attempt to tame these unruly beasts……but to no avail. For those that don’t know, Chore Packs are a tool that Teri Maxwell uses to help younger children learn about chores. She wrote about it in her book, “Managers of Their Chores”, and she would probably get a big laugh about the fact that I am using it on my hardheaded teens. You can read about her awesome book here: http://www.titus2.com/managers-of-their-chores.html

My St. Patrick’s Day baby…….He is such a blessing to us. It is so sweet to watch him assist his sister with her ‘Terrible 15’s”, now that he is finally over that awful stage. I love you sweet boy!
8. Finally, they have become best friends. I had purchased a book entitled, “Making Brothers and Sisters Best Friends” by Sarah, Harold and Stephen Mally. They are sweet homeschoolers who have it all figured out when it comes to getting along with your siblings. Funny thing is…….I never got a chance to read it, because miraculously my two oldest children figured this one out on their own! They still snip at each other, and will rise to the shouting occasion if baited, but for the most part they have become friends……who knew!

Casey and I have always been very close, but the teen years have been a test for both of us. No relationship can survive without God’s help…..or love. I love you baby girl!
Feeling judged by fellow homeschoolers who seem to be doing it better than you? Don’t be. They are probably unaware that you feel judged, and they would most certainly put your mind to rest if they knew. Take heart in this verse:
Ephesians 4:32 Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Dave and D.J. have worked hard on their relationship. Both are stubborn and are quick to anger. Through Jesus’ gracious example, the father and son bond is as strong as ever!
I do not receive any compensation at the present for referring these awesome books and great people. They have just seriously helped my family and I get straight on our homeschooling journey. They are real, and they are willing to give it to us straight.
Hi! I really admire your family’s commitment to striving to serve Christ! You’re not the only ones, I was homeschooled and had attitudes and took one too many breaks. It feels weird at first coming out of regular school and not having that schedule or environment but it turns out to be such a blessing. Your family’s doing the right things!
I took my son out of public school last January and have had massive problems with him.He is almost 14 but the hormones are raging already so I know what you mean about trying to teach them anything. He also is high yield autistic with severe anxiety issues.We have not attended church for a number of years because of his stranger phobia’s.Some days we get nothing done because of melt downs but I’m learning to see the signs and now have added fun days into our curriculum. I’m seeing small signs of change and thank the Lord for every little bit of progress we make.It took a year to realize we are not and never will be your normal homeschooling family but that’s O.K. We just have to trust in God and he will show us the way.
Bless your heart…..I have been where you are, and it can be daunting to say the very least. There were many days when I didn’t want to even get out of bed, because I knew that dealing with my son would be so hard!
It sounds has if you have your head on right, in letting God have the lead. I will be praying for you and your son, and just know that in the end, he will realize that your homeschooling him was a gift 🙂
Man, this is some good stuff. I’m having just the opposite concerns. We’ve homeschooled our 14yo since the start, but feel led to place her in a Christian highschool this coming year (I’ll leave it at that, because it’s a long story.) Anyway, in the back of my mind is the realization that it may not work out, that we may have to bring her home again…and then what? Does she resent coming home? Do we find “our way” again? Your post has encouraged me to put down my rose colored glasses (a la “I love Michelle and Kelly, too, but I’ll never BE them”), and to continue to trust in the Lord as we test new waters.
I will be praying for you guys…….trusting in His purpose for our life will keep us straight!
Great post. Thank you for your honesty.
Wow! I felt like I was reading my own column! I can’t believe how alike we are! Even to the comment Casey made about not being able to live up to the duggar standards. My daughter told me the same thing! Thank you, thank you for your words of encouragement. It is so comforting to know we are not alone on this journey. I will be in prayer for your beautiful family.
I am always so thankful for prayers! A life following Christ is always more fun, easier, and more comforting when we have other like-minded people on the road with us 🙂